Okay already, time for a part of the born2Bfit life that doesn't take much effort at all. Yes, folks, we're talkin' JOKES. If you have one you'd like to see adorn this page, SUBMIT to me via EMAIL.
|A farmer goes out one day and buys
a brand new stud rooster for his chickencoop. The rooster struts over to
the old rooster and says, "Okay old fart, time to
The old rooster replies, "Come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"
The young rooster says, "Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over."
The old rooster says, "I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chickencoop."
The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He's already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and BOOM, he blows the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head, "Dang, ......third gay rooster I bought this month".
|A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE". He then went to her car, pulled a knife out of his pocket and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around, she had a slight grin on her face. He said, "Oh, you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her, she has a smile on her face. He curses under his breath and gets the knife back out of his pocket and slices all of her tires. Now she is laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it now. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down. "What's so funny?" asks the truck driver. She replies, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside of the circle!!"|
|A man from Idaho
is on vacation in Arkansas and journeys into a local tavern for a drink.
After he gets his drink and spends some time with it, he looks around the
bar and notices most of the patrons staring at him. He feels kind of uneasy
about all this, being from out of town and all, so he speaks up in an effort
to "break the ice".
He blurts out: "Hey y'all, anyone in here like to watch football?"
Ignoring the man's question, the bartender responds with: "Hey partner, where y'all from?"
The man happily answers: "I'm from Idaho, ...... you from around here?"
The bartender ignores the man's question once again and fires back with: "So, what kind of work do you do, cowboy?"
Feeling a little relaxed that he might be fitting in, the man proudly answers: "I'm a taxidermist."
All of a sudden the bartender's smiling face turns to one of confusion. He looks around the room at his buddies for some help, but not a single one seems to know what's going on.
So the bartender scratches his head and demands: "What's a taxidermist?"
Breathing a sigh of relief that apparent danger might be just a simple misunderstanding, the man answers back rather quickly with: "I mount animals."
With that, the bartender breaks out with a gigantic grin as he looks around the bar and announces: "It's all right fellas, .......he's okay, ......he's one of us!"
|There once was a successful rancher
who died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined
to keep the ranch and make a go of it, but she knew very little about ranching.
So she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two men
applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long
and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the
gay guy. She figured it would be safer to have him around the house than
He turned out to be a fantastic worker. He worked long, hard hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked and the ranch was doing really well. Then one day the rancher's wife said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and we've both done nothing but work for weeks. The ranch looks great and I'm taking Saturday night off and going into town to kick up my heels and paint the town red, .......and I think you should do the same."
The hired hand agreed readily. On Saturday night each went to town. The rancher's wife had dinner and a lot of drinks with friends. She talked, joked and danced, and had a great time. She didn't get home until about 2am in the morning. The hired hand wasn't home yet, so she decided to wait up for him. 3am and no hired hand yet. 4am came and still no hired hand and she began to worry. At about 4:30am the hired hand showed up. The rancher's wife was sitting by the fireplace and called him over to her. "Now, I'm the boss," she said, "and you have to do what I tell you, right?"
"Well, yes" he answered.
"Then unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. He did as she asked.
"Now, take off my shoes." He did.
"Now, take off my stockings." He did.
"Now, take off my skirt." He did.
"Now, take off my bra." Again, he did as she asked.
"Now, take off my panties." And again, he did what she told him.
Then she looked at him and said, "Don't you EVER wear my clothes to town again!"
KEEP THE FLAME OF LAUGHTER BURNING IN YOUR HEART
Copyright (C) 2000 -- Barry Acquistapace, Owner
E-mail -- SOCALXPRT@Yahoo.com
Revised -- 12/13/2000
URL -- http://www.born2Bfit.com/jokes.html
Web master -- Barry Acquistapace